Cultural Self Analysis Paper & Mandala (see link)

Dominique Ferguson
Dr. West-White
LIT 3333-001
11 September 2008
A Brand New Me

As a Christian and a single mother of two I have experienced many trials and many triumphs. These two identities have helped shape my values and given me motivation to be better. The fall of my freshman year at FAMU I became pregnant with my son. Though I had been a Christian all my life I had strayed and fallen short of God’s glory. Not only was I a fornicator (oh the shame) but I was hundreds of miles away from my family and a baby with a baby on the way. However, I knew enough to get the necessary prenatal care and my baby daddy’s social security number (just in case child support was needed).
Three months after I discovered I was pregnant I called home. First I made a call to my sister Lisa.
“Hey Lisa, it’s Dominique”. I said, almost on the brink of tears.
“Hey Nique what you up to?” she cooed. “How is college?” she stretched out the word college and I could tell she was in an extremely good mood. Oh well, little did she know she would be crushed in five, four, three, two…
“Lisa I’m pregnant!” I wail. “What?!” she screams. “What do you mean you’re pregnant? You go all the way to college and... Come on Nique, you know better.”
By this point I’m crying hysterically and my roommate, Oluchi, comes over to my bed to soothe me. She grabs the phone from my shaking hand and talks to Lisa and then they hang up. At this point I feel like certified crap, if there is such a thing. I believe the only thing worse than the call to Lisa was the call that I was going to make to my dad. My hands were shaking and my heart was thumping so wildly I thought it was going to come out of my chest. My God, I prayed, what have I gotten myself into? What was I thinking when I laid down with that fool? He was only one year older than I and no more equipped to take care of a child than I was.
That was seven years ago and so much has taken place since those fateful phone calls to my loved ones in Miami, Florida. At one point in my life I felt that I had made too many mistakes to redeem myself. I was a single mother of two, living on public assistance, working dead-end jobs and spiritually bankrupt. I had stopped praying, refused to hope and had no church home.
Life was tiring and void. I cried all the time and despite two kids still lived recklessly. Though I never turned to drugs or alcohol my sin of not putting God first in my life was just as bad. It is difficult to speak about my identity without speaking about my faith and my role as a single mother. Over the years these two identities have merged and it is somewhat impossible to focus on one without mentioning the other. After becoming a single parent twice over I felt it was time for a change.
Positive change in my life came about when I began working on my relationship with God. I began watching sermons on television, reading my bible and keeping a journal. However, I began longing for a church family. Members in a church who would help me in my Christian walk. After I found a church, not only with great people but a wonderful children’s ministry, I knew I was on my way to greatness. Okay maybe not greatness but I was on my way nonetheless. Renewing my relationship with Christ set the stage for everything else. I stopped listening to secular music, decided to go back to college and took an active role in my future. As a mother I wanted to be better and do better. Being a mother has motivated me more than anything. Once I was back in school, after a three year hiatus, I was scared out of my mind. Could I go back to school and raise two kids?
I found I could. My first semester back I made the dean’s list and haven’t turned back since. During the last seven years as a mom I have met many other single mothers. It has been therapeutic and necessary to hear about their struggles with faith, men, baby daddy’s and such. There are just some issues single mothers faces that the world knows nothing about.
Sometimes I feel like I live in several different worlds. Once, while talking to a friend-girl about mommy-issues, who’s also a single mom, I slipped in the goodness of God and things went awry. She started saying how she’s not even sure there is a god and I was like Oops! I got my worlds mixed up. In my church family none are single mothers or even single for that matter so I often feel out of place. However, once the conversation turns to God’s greatness or anything pertaining to the Christian faith, I once again feel like I belong.
Though I’ve never really thought of being a Christian or a single parent as a culture I now see that it is. Just like I may feel left out for being single I am connected to my church family because we share the same faith. There is a magazine I read titled Today’s Christian Woman. When I first read it I just saw a bunch of white faces, pretty white faces, but white nonetheless. I thought, the only articles they have in here are probably for married, white middle-aged women. Well I was very wrong. The articles covered a plethora of topics and almost all pertained to me. There were articles on difficult children (Bingo!), making your marriage work (not yet), being saved and single (Yes!) and many others. These articles pertained to me because I am member of many different cultures. Had someone asked me, before this activity, “what culture do you identify with?” I would have quickly responded, “I’m African-American.” I now know I hold membership in many different cultures, but my favorite by far is being a child of God.



To view my original mandala please copy and paste the link below into your Web browser's "address" window.It will be available for the next thirty days.

http://www.girlsgotech.org/mandala_canvas.asp?id=68593

My mandala represents me as a whole. The stars signify success, the eight ovals in the middle signify the eight people in my life I hold dearest and the blue is simply my favorite color. Also the pairs of green squares signify my two kids who depend on me.